I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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