i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
