I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
