goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
