Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
