people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
