how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
two words...techno handjob
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
