I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i love accidental penises.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
