It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i drank out of a bidet.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
