I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
