I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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