I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
