Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
