Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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