I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
