Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
