think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize