my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize