We won't sleep together?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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