i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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