I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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