On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
