I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
