Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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