A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
