Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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