So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
