fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
