i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
