No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
