i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
not ubering you a puppy
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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