Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
