I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
