I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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