thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
