You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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