I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
