I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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