I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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