I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
