I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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