he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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