why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
