He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i think i have two assholes
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
