is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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