i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
