I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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