I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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