Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
