oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
