i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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