is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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