I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
