Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize