a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I wish there were birth control emojis
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
