I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I see more hoeing in ur future
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