I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
