How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Farmville is her only friend.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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