I'm eating all of the evidence.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
