you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
