I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
