I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
