I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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