So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
