I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
