All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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