I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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