I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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