I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
