If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
