I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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