i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
