Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
