Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
